January 2010
121 posts
you are the only one that has ever worried me. you are the only one that can make me jealous. i must say it sucks but i know why this is.
i notice i’m very hesitant when it comes to decisions i make that include other people. if it’s something that only i could gain or lose from then no problem. but if it has something to do with something that could impact someone else’s life then.. dang, i take a LONG time. i guess i’m just always afraid of making the wrong choice for them. i want to learn how to make those...
oh my goodness, i love coming home from church! whether it’s bible study, f3, or sunday school/ service. i’m pretty much always happy. i could be sick and dying or mad as heck but at the end of the day i feel enlightened. it’s just one of the greatest feelings in the world. seriously think about it, i just love it so much. so today.. not really one of the best days. i came to...
what the fuck is wrong with me?! i can’t stop fucking swearing!! ever since i was freshman i wanted duplicating powers, you know, clone myself. but it was never for the reason you might think. i only wanted the power so i could kick my own ass, would make it so much easier. i shouldn’t even post this but thinking irrationally is what i usually do. that’s what brings me all of...
i think i might actually fail this time. i’m just not in the mood to do anything. and everything i’m doing right now isn’t helping
why must everything move so fast, my world is spinning.. upside down. i wish i had a pause button.
i have to sleep with a trash can next to my face tonight because i know i’m gonna throw up. how fun. isn’t life grand?
goodnight world.
i absolutely LOVE lies, that’s probably why i get so much :) yay me
so much for 5 mins
debating whether i should go to school tomorrow or not. is it worth it? tennis after. if anything i would just skip school go tennis & church. flirt with this awesome girl ;)
i am so disappointing. so many little things go wrong and i let them get the best of me. i aught to be ashamed. but finally, i am starting to pray. it took long enough.. but i’m still glad that i’m doing it. just need to work on everything else now, and i’m thinking it shouldn’t be too hard. and.. well i just need to watch what i’m doing.
now i feel like crying
just fuck today already. shit so fucking gay. i want it to be over
ok nvm well i failed at trying to fix things but i think i’m gonna be sad and lie around over that for a while.. then i’ll start. nice try ryan, maybe next time.
to do tonight
make things better with someone special. catch up on 3 chapters of english hw and study for the chapter test tomorrow. finish a page of math and study for that chapter test tomorrow. practice audition piece for band. do some research that i need for next year. find someway to not kill myself. drivers ed hw for the next two weeks. study for chem chapter test that i know nothing about. study for...
and suddenly i just want to die again.
life is a fake, full of lies, deception, trickery, fraud, cheating. why is my outlook on life like this? to be honest, i’m not sure. i’ve recently got back into my old habits. my feelings toward myself, my thoughts, my anger, my violence. tonight i broke my promise again. i punched a telephone pole and got my bruised knuckle back, parts of my fist are cut up, at first i was thinking it...
naotaa:
mysadpanda:
for some reason.. i just don’t feel like me. what is this? who am i? really. my passions give me a hint to who it is that i am. they give me a glimpse of my real self. but i don’t want just a taste, i want to know. who am i and what do i want? what happened to ryan? where’d he go? and who is this new person i see in the mirror?
what is this, mulan?
lmfao. cheer up...
for some reason.. i just don’t feel like me. what is this? who am i? really. my passions give me a hint to who it is that i am. they give me a glimpse of my real self. but i don’t want just a taste, i want to know. who am i and what do i want? what happened to ryan? where’d he go? and who is this new person i see in the mirror?
how stupid was i? how stupid am i? i did the right thing.. right?
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formspring.me
<3 :3 I love pandas. I love pandas who do their drivers ed homework even more!
wow i love pandas too!! oh.. wait.. nvm find another panda :P
shitsumonga arimasuka
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shitsumonga arimasuka http://formspring.me/zryantaka
i can't find a replacement!!
:(
i continue to fail
am i really gonna do this? i don’t even know what to think about myself anymore. i’m.. i’m just ruined.
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formspring.me
How are things on your side of the globe? :)
yeah not so hot but it’s slowly getting better. starting to get back into the motion and getting everything back :) so not bad
shitsumonga arimasuka
i remember.. pray
i don't know what to do about this
i love it how people show that they care so much...
i used to reject it and just wonder why, but now it somewhat makes me a little happier. it brings a real sense of relief in my heart. or like i don’t feel like i’m on a high wire anymore, it’s more of a balcony on a giant and beautiful building.. with enough support to pass through the toughest of storms with the greatest of ease.
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shitsumonga arimasuka http://formspring.me/zryantaka
a daily diet of chocolate ice cream and chocolate cake? when am i gonna start eating some real food?
everyone can read my face, they can all tell. why.. what’s the sense in trying to hide it, i’m depressed.
i’m still wondering how i would feel if God decided to take me away. she tried to help but my soul refuses to accept. how ashamed do i feel right now.
cant take it anymore. imma just crash already -_-
i’m being ripped in half by two sides that aren’t pulling
tonight feels like last thursday night when i didn’t know what to do with my life, i was so sad and depressed.
i feel like something’s seriously wrong with me.. but i don’t know what it is.
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shitsumonga arimasuka http://formspring.me/zryantaka
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Whats your real name?
my real name? ryan
shitsumonga arimasuka
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Awww. I hope everything gets better for you as well. :)
lol thanks :) you’re very kind.
shitsumonga arimasuka
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Hey! How are YOU feeling today? :)
lol hey i can’t believe you actually formspring.. ded me! but um i’m ok.. ish i guess. not doing so hot at the moment though :(
shitsumonga arimasuka